Do I not have the sweetest junior ever? :)

Peixuan delivered these eclairs to me when I was studying at Tampines 1 (:

I was actually on my way down and saw on going up the escalator, lucky I caught her or she wouldn't be able to find me at teadot! Hehe. Thanks so much dearie it brightened my day!! The Eclairs were delicious btw. (L)


So I went for classes at bugis and bought another top after lessons cause I couldn't resist it. While singing up for the lectures, I saw alot of familiar names including Annia's!! :D Can't wait to see her soon!! (hopefully, since ours slots are different)

Met Kaiying & Anna at Tampines 1 teadot to study after their sunday school.

ShanHui and I had to discuss the printing of the scores AGAIN so I met her for awhile at tampines interchange and went back to kaiying and anna. Kaiying had to leave early so nana & I studied at BK afterwards, had dinner and went back till 10 plus/11.

It felt productive (cause I concentrated) but I realised I've only written an art essay about performance art. Well, we didn't have too much time to study today either..

Tomorrow's gonna be another great day! (besides the lessons. 5 hours straight, an hour break plus 2 more lessons D: )

I've got such nice friends hehe feeling so happy now!! Will be meeting Anna tomorrow after school. Hopefully next week would be productive and non-stressful :D

I hope the slots for Mr Toh's choir won't clash with my schedule, I badly want to perform under him again!!!!

K I sound like a kid. Off to do more work byebye!

Didn't realise its feb 28 until I looked at the date on this post

February is coming to an end. Seems like just yesterday when we were waving goodbye to January. Soon enough, our A'levels will be over. There isn't time at all.

I spent today's evening at blc for a reunion dinner, I guess the next week would mean full speed studying, as much as I'm not used to studying and concentrating AT ALL.


the photo looks like it comes from some TV photoshoot doesn't it!


I like my top it makes me feel like flying






Reminds me of some painting


Jo, ash, kaikai, anna, me, sherm




(we look like happy kids!)

Took loads of photos at the SnP reunion dinner today, wont' be blogging much this week due to my upcoming CTs (next next week)! I will when I feel there is a need to, its back to the books for now. Other photos on FB!

Alright, Study hard!

(Feeling motivated now after reading an sms and also the sudden sense of urgency. I MUST use my time well tomorrow! Hi friend, thanks and jiayou to you too!!!! I was pleasantly surprised haha.)

Classical Music ♥ ♥

Mahler Symphony no. 1 mvt 3

This one gets stuck in my head every once in a while without knowing what its called, now I do! Found Mahler's symphony no. 1 disc in my dad's classical music rack. (I love his rack, he used to have more than a hundred of those discs but they got lost when we migrated here D: There could've been the greatest songs!)



Brahms Symphony no. 1 mvt 1.
(one of my favourite pieces ever)



Dvorak symphony no. 9 (new world) mvt 1

Here's a rather good version of it: mvt 1 part 1 , mvt 1 part 2 there's other stuff in the front so I didn't embed it.


Dvorak Symphony no. 9 mvt 3 (great performance)


Listened to Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture, Dvorak's symphony no. 9 (new world symphony), Bizet's Carmen, Mahler's symphony no. 1 and Brahm's symphony no. 1 while studying in my brother's room in the afternoon today. Great feeling. (& I'm not the only fan!)

GETTING HIGH OVER BAND MUSIC

Just got home and realised my paper bag with my lunch box + peshirt + wet towels are notw ith me. Lost my shoebag (with my shoes in it) too. 2.4's next tuesday. Btw, I got As for 4 of my NAPFA stations but a D in sit & reach so its still a silver. Ha-ha big joke.

Studying at macs for a short while after school was quite productive, maybe I should study at macs or teadot again tomorrow. Anybody who wants to join can text me or pm me if I'm online. I'll probably be in Tampines or wherever my heart brings me to.


Blue Sky March


Another version of blue sky march w/o talking

VERY NICE VERSION OF BLUE SKY MARCH (CLICK ON IT!! but the front half of it is about.. the competition or sth so ignore it) Embedding disabled.


Had a look at the scores today and its stuck in my head. Going crazy searching for band songs woohoo there's highlights from ratatouille, MJ through the years, more blue sky march and of course the load of band songs I normally listen to. Awesome :D

Alright its 4 am time to sleep.

Its just that nothing will ever be the same anymore.
Better than the worst, but never like before.

Am I looking back with regrets, or merely reminiscing?
I still believe its the latter, it has to be.

Feel so shallow these days. Time to hit the bookshelves! (or the bus at night. or the beach, by the river, on the field, in a park.. bascially anything to be done at night)


Art presention is finally over! After slogging my guts out for the past few days, I must say the feeling of liberation never felt that great. I'll take a one/two day break before I work on more sketches and explorations. Also, its a great feeling to not attend school.

Today's session dragged till 8 plus. I went around like some excited kid, guess I wasn't sensitive enough to notice the stressed faces around me. :/ Gotta stop being so insensitive whenever I'm happy and actually try to notice the feelings of others.

Anyway, I think I make the world's weirdest conversationalist, if there's even such a thing. When my friend's fish and chips arrived, I went "this is fish?" when it was obviously fish cause it was silent and I didn't know what to say. Such a weird nut.

Today feels like a day of inspiration so I shall research on more artists. Bill Viola's works have interesting meanings behind them.



Something's wrong with me, I don't even know what I'm hoping for now. The cycle is repeating. I know it too well.

Badly wanted to lie down and star gaze today cause my heart was finally at ease, but didn't have a chance to.

Drive to dream to live, we could see the world tonight
Here to hope tomorrow we could see the world

(I like this picture its got some sort of nostalgic feeling to it.
It also reminds me of 'In America', one of my favourite movies)


I feel so empty. Went through the day without any 'constructive talking'. Life's boring when you're not in school. Everybody's too busy to talk :(. I'm really busy today too so I didn't really want to start conversations either. Why should I want something when I don't exactly want it? Just to fill that empty void?

Its 2 am. Really dark out there. I love the dark.

I want to gaze into the night sky. I'm reminded of the time where there were clouds and I fell asleep. The splashing of the water was so soothing. The lights of the buildings were lovely. There were so much on my empty mind then. Thoughfulness in emptiness.

I want to paint there, with my blurred vision.
(believe me, I will seriously do it someday)

I don't want to lie. I do miss hanging out with everybody. In our group that's not too big and not too small. I miss those days outside the LT before the promos period last year. & everything we did. I distanced myself all of a sudden, I allowed my emotions to control me. No, I'm not going to say "I don't know why", because I do.

There isn't any point in me regretting, and I know it very well. No longer do I feel the sense of regret, its a pity yes, but no regrets. I acted that way then because I felt there was a need to at that moment, how was I to know how the future would be?


I don't have much time to reflect and think about many things recently. Need some time alone, desperately.

I want to write in my diary now, but I don't have the time. School's in a few hours' time. Should I get a moleskine notebook soon?

I want somebody to understand me. Read my mind. Please.

I need to improve on my vocabulary. period.
(a little anti-climax but I really have to, I can't stand these simple words and repeated structures and expressions any longer)

I have to be more responsible.

Death Cab for Cutie - Blacking out the friction

I think that it's brainless to assume
That making changes to your window's view
Will give a new perspective

Came across these lyrics while looking for photos associated with "perspective" on flickr. I thought it'd probably be in my computer since its by Deathcab & that's how I ended up putting it on repeat :D



Anberlin - Autobahn (Driving)

I don't get how I can get hooked onto songs of totally different genres on the same day. Well, it doesn't really matter.

Have a great night,
I'm gonna stay up to try to complete everything.



(OMG PEIXUAN THE PICTURE FOR OUR BLOG IS BACK UP!!!)

Hello brain of mine,

would you please stop thinking too much! They're words, dammit. Just words! Words that do not concern you at all! You're not making any contribution to the development of my prep board, are you?

So please focus on the right things.

Thankyou.


(I know I sound like a weirdo but damn it, I HAD to write that down. If I look around more I'm going to think till my brain explodes.)

Reading and writing keeps me alive, though I may not be the best at it. I haven't been reading books these few years, but online articles, blogs or other sorts of interesting sites on the net fuels me. I've always admired people who can write brilliantly.

On the way to school today, I finally took out an issue of broader perspectives. I felt like I've shortchanged myself these few years just by being lazy and not putting in the effort to read. Its never too late to start, is it? Have to broaden my perspectives and widen my range of vocabulary.

Tchaikovsky's nutcracker (or any classical music in general) in the morning serves as a remedy for me whenever work strikes. Orchestral music is beautiful. I've always dreamnt of travelling to Europe someday and listen to orchestras after orchestras, plays after plays. I'll definitely travel there again, the few days spent in czech with the choir was far too short.




I've decided to keep a written diary, certain thoughts should still be kept to myself. My mind seems to be used to the changes already, I'm glad. On the road to recovery, perhaps? :D

There's something wrong with my archives, not all the posts are shown so the first few posts of every month can't be seen. Help? :(

Its 9:11 pm and I've got no idea why I'm not feeling hungry at all, only had hotcakes in the morning which I didn't even finish.

Going back to painting now, lots more to go.

I passed maths!

For the first time in my JC life. Maybe cause statistics is too unbearable, I didn't study no shit for it last year. The topics tested for this test were mostly from my Amath knowledge and definitely much more interesting than stats - I swear -

So the first person I sms-ed was Jasmine Tee cause.. cause she's always been teasing me about my math grade so I decided to prove her wrong 8D I don't mean it in a bad manner cause I don't mind and she's just joking, its more of a "HA-HA I PASSED OKAY!!!" thing.

Pleasantly shocked, but I know I'll fail my math CTs anyway. 60% stats and I know no balls, ha-ha. Nonetheless, I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!



Sarah, Syairah and I had a good laugh in the art room today (again). Hand us a camera and we'll do the rest of the crap and laughter for you. Didn't accomplish much but we did manage to exercise our stomach muscles/diaphram/lungs/mouth/facial muscles. ROFL. Haven't laughed that much in awhile :D I forsee us doing more stupid stuff in the future.

Sarah's "really?!" and "so cuttteee" is ringing in my head, how?? and the songs that Syairah and I sang on the way to our bus stop too (L)

Panda looking at computer screen

SARAH'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE A WIG!

she used to piggyback me too!

wifi + itouch in the art room = (Y)

We did something to ebe's photo and its on facebook.
HAHAHA.

... the others with us in it are far too unglam.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


Haven't been studying with my study mates recently, nor have I mentioned their names in a long while. Its not just about having to do art, I still need more time, sorry.

These days its been I,E,S,A,J,A,B,Y instead of just the five of us band mates like last year. Somehow it gives me less motivation to go, though I really, really like hanging out with all of them. Maybe cause its a big group so I don't feel so funny drawing out. Or it wouldn't make much of a difference even if I did stay.

Also, I know I haven't been too nice/close, and it also feels as though I've missed out on alot within the short one month I've lost with them. Alot.

Sorry, I had to post some up :D

OUR NEW SLOGAN THINGY! (exclusively for art students!)

(not the "if you're going through hell, keep going" one, our teacher pasted that one up on the board. Oh btw I saw this interesting quote "war doesn't determine who's right, only who's left")

Just our more common exclaimations put together. In order:
Sarah's, Syairah's, Nadiah's, Mine, Linette's, Ebe's.

Nad and Ebe weren't there so sorry if you've got nicer phrases HAHA. The four of us had some crazy time taking videos and photos! (LAUGHING LIKE MAD TOO)

come to me my lover!!


after effects of performance art

(WHICH WAS A BIG JOKE HAHA. I couldn't stop laughing at the rest and my performance art was stupid. Involves twirling around in a white dress and wrapping myself in a giant cloth.


HAHA.


gymnasts man.


Syai looks damn happy, and the other two are...?!


failshot! HAHA.


monster, cat, rabbit.




SAVE THE BEST FOR THE LAST. LOL @SARAH!!!



k off to bathe & do art!!

9 sketches + artist reference + 3 photos BY THURSDAY!
YOU CAN DO IT EMMA!

(I really didn't sleep at all last night. okay, 10 minutes)

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but least you're still my day late friend

I'm obviously listening to Day late friend by Anberlin :]

Actually I like the line "Insignificantly enough, we both have significant others" but its been used as a title somewhere already!

After many hours spent on this drawing, I realised the perspective of the water level is WRONG. the water. level. looks. wrong. FML. Drawing a glass of water is tough. I need to improve on my sketching skills D: I wish I wouldn't need sleep everyday so I can practice :(

Guess I'm still okay with this sketch considering I'm out of practice for sketching, but I'm really spending FAR too much time on it! If only I had the luxury of time.

On a brighter note, here are some photos from yesterday's lunch with my family. My dad's left for hongkong again :/

Forgot to take a picture of the name of the restaurant. -.-

the sashimi was like seriously 1 cm thick (L) Damn good. Scallops bloody fresh, tuna and salmon and some other sashimi too. Prawn was sweet, what more could one ask for?

My cold ramen (Y) Sauce was a little sour, which gave it a great taste.

Pomelo sorbet (L) Non-creamy and light, I like.


fried Sakura ebi. These fried prawns are TINY! around 1.5 cm.


my mom and dad


my bro and I

I wish I could be a food journalist, then I can eat all sorts of amazing stuff like these everyday :(




Let me express my love for paper bags (L)


purchases at the Fox sale, knits are so pretty!
If you can't tell what they are, its a hoodie a top and a thick jacket.
(and the two bottles of stuff from body shop. I'm ADDICTED to the scent of the cherry blossom body mist.)



Got this mustang shirt from topshop at bugis today. Looks like a painting, no?

So there you go. To make up for the loss of my wolf top (which I never bought cause it was OOS everywhere D:). That top was so gorgeous even this one can't make up for it :(


Gonna continue with my art.

Not having any sleep tonight!

Ohhh, we can begin again.

Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.

photo credits: Jennbawa

There will always be someone with you when you need them. It doesn't have to be somebody you have in mind, it doesn't have to be somebody who was with you in the past, because there will always be somebody who will magically appear.

This is the present. The future is unknown, but dwell in the happiness of this moment, that somebody, anybody is with you.

We shouldn't even worry about why the ones from your past aren't here anymore, there's a reason why they didn't make it to our future.

Don't wonder if they'll ever return, what's meant to be will be. Everybody's got an equal chance to meet new people. Let them go, and let yourself go. We are our own worlds, we're not bound to anything.

There's also a reason why there will be a few that will stick with you till the end. If you haven't found any, it doesn't mean you'll have none. Starting the race late won't mean you won't make it to the finishing point.


Live in the present, not the future, not the past.

Get a grip of yourself, you're in control. Control your emotions.

Enjoy every moment.

It beats for you, it bleeds for you. It knows not how it sounds

Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire

Ale sang this for lit night yesterday, its now stuck in my head.

Everything about last night was wonderful. The songs "stars and the moon" & "seasons of love" too. I always get extremely excited after good concerts, so alot of the songs they sang yesterday are now on my playlist. Come to think of it, it must've been pretty weird of me to get so obsessed over fantasy on a japanese folk song after a certain band concert a few years back.


Okay... I haven't uploaded the photos from lit night & today's lunch yet. Admittedly, I haven't been doing much with my work load either.

Just spluttered nonsense to a friend I only just knew, and that feels nice because... it feels like writing in a new diary which knows not the past events or history.

I should start un-drafting my posts (a whole bunch of them, don't be shocked) and read them, my mind is some piece of art. Abstract art.

Stop thinking too much. Damn it. Stop.

I don't know why I'm saving all my posts as drafts. There must be more than 200 of those now. Hello, damn.

Feeling motivated now, cause I realised wanting to do well for A's doesnt motivate me too much. Its a short term thing. The future does, it might give me the drive to want to do well for the A's, anyway.

Frankly speaking, I don't know if I want to enter University. I can't seem to stay awake during lectures even if I've got enough sleep. I'm allergic to monotonous voices and such. I'm a really restless person. But as they said, its still best to have good results so you can go ANYWHERE. So no excuses to have zero discipline now!

I'll aim to take whichever route which would allow me to do whatever that interests me. (but maybe get enough kaching to travel and buy materials I need)


I want to be able to draw, play music, read, write abit, take photos, travel around and be a better person. I want to be able to have the time to improve myself (spiritually, psychologically). I want to read more and write well.

One day, I'll save enough money to travel around Europe, admire the artpieces, the architecture, watch plays, read books, listen to orchestras, find inspiration for music, find myself and return as a better person. No matter how long it'll take! I don't care, I WILL GO.

Apologies for not being able to upload the tons of photos I want to. I'll find the time.

My family and I went to this japanese restaurant for lunch today, the sashimi was like 1 cm thick, damn awesome. My cold ramen with the sauce, totally addictive. Tea was aromatic.. everything else was just nice ttm. (L)

My dad received his bonus quite some time ago, we only managed to find time today to eat together outside. Rather sad don't you think? I kissed my dad on the cheek in the lift today when he asked me to, I hesitated for a moment but did in the end. Still can't believe he's so much like me, even his SOO COMPLICATED way of thinking.

Mom told me something today when I was complaining about how I REALLY regret taking econs instead of literature (I know its difficult, but for me it'll def. be better than econs since I'm failing like shit due to ZERO interest). "We should allow ourselves to moan and complain only for half an hour, if nothing can be done by then we should just learn to move on".

AHH I REALLY WANT TO FIND A CHANCE TO PERFORM. ITS SO THRILLING. I MISS SINGING WITH THE CHOIR ON STAGE :( :( :( I HATE ECONS I REALLY DO. Okay end of rant.


After lunch, I finally got a bottle of body mist from body shop (sadly there wasn't cassis, sakura blossom smells great enough). and another bottle of facial wash.

Got 2 jackets and a top from Fox, there's a sale going on. I LOVE MY NEW HOODIE (L) The hood, in particular :]

Lit night was beyond awesome!

Fell asleep last night so I didn't post anything, the photos are up on facebook!! Be right back for more, going for lunch with family now!

Half empty or half full?

credits to mattaustin7 for charcoal drawing

Read an article while researching for my coursework.

We all know the theory behind the cup that's half full/half empty. Have we thought a step further, beyond what we've been taught?

Just a portion of THE ARTICLE

"Notice an interesting social phenomenon here. Most people want to be seen as optimists, even those who are usually morose and glum. Aren't we just a planet full of upbeat, sunny cheerleaders? How interesting! Why do we have such a social pressure to be relentlessly optimistic?

Let's look at it from a completely different angle and turn this paradigm upside down. Is it always a negative thing to see the glass as half empty? Suppose such a perception motivates you to fill the glass - so to speak - whereas seeing it as half full leads to complacency. Focusing on the lack in one's life can then be a driving force for success. Not so negative now, is it?

Look at the over-achievers who accomplish great things in any field. They probably started out life with the idea that there wasn't enough water in their glass to suit them, so they worked to fill it up. On the other hand, at the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the under-achievers who dawdle away their lives in torpid passivity. Perhaps they do so because their focus is on what they already possess, rather than the areas of life that can use some improvement."


The right way isn't to force yourself to be happy, but to actually UNDERSTAND the positivity behind the negativity, not just SEE the positivity behind the negativity. That's my take on the article.

Am I having forced optimism? If the reason why people aren't talking to you isn't because you look unhappy, then what other reasons would they have to not want to talk to you? Reflection time.

But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


my left hand almost died from holding it in some awkward position.
Look at those buildings in my tea! :D

Shucks I shouldn't have came, now I'm going to run away. But that only makes me feel like running further again. My pineapple tarts are waiting for me, there's a new box outside. Haha yay shootyou. I don't know why my mindset changed all of a sudden, awesome shit.

Today was a great day for the most awesome reasons :D


Besides the fact that I left house 1 minute late, (was so tempted to cab again since three empty cabs drove past, but I resisted the temptation cause its turning into a bad habit!) ran LIKE MAD towards the interchage with alot of stuff in my hands, MISSED THE FREAKING BUS (it drove past me. right in front of my eyes). walked back to main road to flag a taxi (but waited for 10 minutes. No taxis when I need them the most..). Two taxis came in a row, gut feeling told me to take the second one but I took the first one anyway. TAXI DRIVER DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET TO SCHOOL. Knew I should've taken the second one. Was supposed to do HW on taxi and ended up giving the driver instructions. I was gonna be late so I asked him to be faster but he attitude-ded me instead.

Was trying to look on the positive side of life throughout, it worked until I realised there were so many unfortunate events. Well, I guess there's always a positive side to everything. At least I was not late.


Sex ed talk was.. well sex ed talk. Some parts were hilarious, esp when it comes to uh, adults being frank. Guess it reminded all of us about what the real thing is all about. Nothing's ever too late, we all have our own lives, our own stories to share :]

CTs in 2 freaking weeks, art coursework show and tell in a week's time, 10 quality sketches to go and I'm abit lost. Hopefully I'll find my direction soon. The moment of silence wasn't a nice one in this case.

Looking forward to lit night tomorrow!! Some parts of it. Too bad I'm not a lit student :( :( :( sounds like an awesome load of fun.


Actually it wasn't that nice a day afterall. Me and my mind! Its fine though, gotta live with it. Just don't like how things ended up.

We can talk things over a little time,
but promise me you wont step out of line

I'm the most energetic when I haven't got enough sleep the day before. Clocked 2+ hours of sleep, was almost late for school but was surprisingly energetic. Actually, I owe it to the fact that I'm not much bothered by things anymore and proud to be a happy lad!

Scrape the energetic part. I dozed off during every single lecture, my classmates are amazed why I never get caught. Hmm..


Gave CCA a miss for the NUS geography career talk, wasn't useful in my opinion. I now feel alittle guilty for not listening and fooling around with my mates after the 2nd speaker, my mind couldn't take it anymore. It didn't feel relevant, and I think I've got very low levels of discipline.

bus 33-ed to harbour front from NUS (FASS), Sarah and I had a little walk around daiso after that. Too bad we couldn't find the pencilcases we wanted, or the other stuff on mind. I got myself some scented spray though :]

Both of us pugged into our music players the moment we got onto the mrt, just like what we did on the bus to NUS. I'm not the only one who dislikes small talks (with people you don't know well) on the bus/train! I conclude that is not being anti-social. Heh.


It takes a hell long time to get from NUS all the way back to tampines. As a treat, I allowed myself a little time to shop at Tampines 1 and got myself the flowy top from topshop off the sales rack.

I feel like getting that panel bandage skirt in light pink, and another pair of denim jeans. Btw, those boots are 199 bucks, no deal. :[


'bout time I filled my head with more academic-related stuff, and read more books. I seriously admire people who can write well, and hopefully reading extensively (I've been doing the opposite) will help bring me futher. First of all, improve my vocabulary.

Kenny G & Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World

Before I get to sleep. Ignore the photos (I don't like 'em)
Enjoy the music :D

Found loads of new songs today!! :D: D
(three video picks of the day, excluding the ones below)

Duffy - Warwick Avenue

This song is just too great. Its not entirely like Norah, but it reminds me of Norah (Jones). Sorry, I always get reminded of other singers when I listen to new songs. Alright, only the first minute of Warwick Avenue reminds me of her. A little. See Hear the resemblence??

Soul/Jazz song-searching. Don't have too much from these genres but the ones I have always end up on my "top rated" list :]

Seems like Michael Buble is under Jazz too, but its kinda like half pop so its a little less relaxing. Not for me tonight, at least.



Norah Jones - The Story

Heck, I'll post this song up again :D (I did so a few months ago).
YAY NORAH!! :D



Muse - Unintended

I think of alternate rock/rock when I think of Muse normally, this one's abit different. Don't know what to call it either, but soothing enough to fit my mood tonight. Maybe I should listen to "time is running out" tomorrow, I miss singing to it. Esp at the concert 8D


I also got introduced to some pop punk/alt rock music such as Mayday Parade, Madina lake, All time low and Anberlin. They were nice but wasn't for me today, perhaps another day when I'm bursting with energy or something, it might work with another mood! :D


So I'll name Warwick Avenue song of the day, listen to Norah Jones next and feel happy about finding Eric Hutchinson :D

Ok, It's Alright with me

(damn what an addictive song)

Eric Hutchinson - Ok, its alright with me

What a cute MV it gets my feet tapping! & ain't he charming??
It reminds me of young love with all these words coming out too!



Mystery Jets - Young Love

0:54 - 1:23 with all these words.


Discovered Eric Hutchinson not too long ago, music's pretty lighthearted and I haven't listened to anything of this kind in a while. I quite like the music, but abit too 'light' for my taste to be one of my favourites. (no. Wait. Its already on repeat..) He reminds me of another singer, I forgot which one.

Feel like listening to "Misread" by Kings of Convenience again :D

Why I'm a cynic. and not.

(if you think its an utter load of bullcrap, that's fine)

Many years back, I was nice. I mean, genuinely nice. I never hated anyone at all (I don't do that much even now, but I find faults). I was never angry. People tell me I'm being far too nice cause I never got angry even if they did something bad to me. I didn't find the need to be angry, anyway.

Some people see that as being "fake". (I learnt of that later on) I wasn't being fake then, but after I knew of that fact, I begin to search for myself, frantically searching for a part of me that felt like shouting out the truth. Slowly, I found alot of stuff I wasn't so happy with.

I turned from a truthfully true person to a forcefully true person.

Being truthfully true doesn't mean you can't have a negative outlook on things, it just means being sensible enough to know what to say and not what to say. Until you feel like you're suppressing your feelings, then say it out loud. But in a nice tone, because negative tone can mean to misunderstandings. That isn't being fake, because it didn't involve lying.

Being forcefully true (to me), simply means voicing all sorts of opinions you've got. Just because the society approves of it. Its like forcing yourself to voice out even if you feel it might not be nice, just in case somebody else calls you "fake".

I didn't like the feeling of being called "fake" when I was really wasn't. That's when I joined them in that way of thinking, and during the process lost that nice part of myself. People judge, people backstab. No matter what your true intentions are, there are bound to be people who will dislike you for that.



.. then the contradicting side of me starts to kick in.

because I'm able to see the nice side of people as well. I think its like half of the time.

The cynical side of me will go "you're just TRYING to find something nice about that situation/person!". But if the nice thought was the one that came into my mind first, then why would that make it "TRYING to find something nice?"


I see nice people wondering if they're being themselves, if they're trying to fit into others' shoes. I've been there. Just because others aren't, or they think you aren't, it doesn't mean you're only trying to fit in.

If you aren't feeling suppressed, then stay that way. Because turning away means you'll never get back. I never did.



At the end of the day, its your first thought that tells you who you really are, and what you're really thinking.

For me, it depends on the situation.

That's why I'm a cynic, AND not one.

Baubles. I should learn to talk less here.

Anyway, my itouch didn't allow me to post anything here while I was suffering from the worst headache ever so I wrote what I wanted on facebook:

Emma Fung I've never had a more terrible headache and it's been hurting since 1am. It's 5:38 am now and it's worse while lying down. Rolling in bed for 2.5 hours. Sorry, feels like a historical moment. It hurts like... @&$!?/.

Yeah, it felt like a historical moment and that I HAD to write it down. Damn, the worst part is that it throbs even more when you're lying down?! Listening to classical music didn't help, and I ended up sitting on the sofa for awhile. Think I fell asleep only at 6 plus. That was when the effects of panadol finally kicked in.

Damn these headaches. Its unbearable, I swear. Makes you perspire and your lips all dry, your eyes'll sting. Genes, wonderful.



Oh, and watching reality shows make you squirmy. You're either a fake bitch, a bitch, or a person with no personality if you choose to keep quiet. What?!

Nah, I should still learn to type less here. Like my friend put it, I'm "passively aggresive" here. Don't suppose that's nice.

Hearing people complain and whine about others' personalities makes you realise you'll be hated for anything you do. Anyway.

Its a hell of a world out there. For all the cynical beings (and i'm one myself), there still are people who are genuinely nice.

So... just be yourself.

free. not Free.

Capitalizing it makes it look restricted.
Well, Some rules have to remain.

I used to have many notebooks, each for a different purpose. I named them "the book for doodles", "the sketch book", "the password notebook", "for ranting", "the scrapbook" etc. 35 of those?

All of them only have 10 pages filled, at most.

Then I realised I felt most comfortable having just ONE book with everything in it, the pages not used up in order but in a random manner. Thoughts, new words, sketches organized in its messy way.

I like being disorganized (until the extreme mess gets to me).

Today....

Today, I realised I don't like being the same as everyone else.
Today, I confirmed the fact that I have contradicting characters.
Today, I noticed my liking towards the word 'nonconformist'.
Today, I discovered being organized can't work for me.


We all want to be different. We can never be different.
We hate it when everybody's saying what's really on your mind.

I love music. I've always wanted to say "Music is my life".
Because it really is. But I've never written that down, because I'm afraid people would say I'm just copying.

Why are we all so afraid of being called copycats? If we like something, why not just do it? Yet I can't bring myself to do it. Why?


Too much thoughts, too much to say, too much to post about.

Like what the cover of my notebook says, "Insufficient Memory".

Who says thinking means you're unhappy?

I can get over the fact that its alright that some people already have bad/ruined impressions of me. If they hated who I WAS, it shouldn't matter to the CURRENT me because it isn't who I AM anymore. Its just too bad I acted the way I did to make them want to drift apart.

Accept that, accept the failures, or we'll never move on.

Contradictorily,
I got upset when I realised I didn't know who I was anymore.
Without the 'who I was', there wouldn't be a 'who I am/will be'.
Without the past, there wouldn't be a future.

People said I've changed.
I don't want to lose everything I ever was, I just want to lose the bad parts. So where did all the good parts go to?

Is the only option choosing who I want to be?

I downloaded that half-acapella version of Don't stop believing and its been put on repeat. I ♥ that song mighty much.

I'm starting to love the dark again (:
Anyway, I don't think I'll be emo for like, quite long?


I look horrible in it. I don't like how my spectacles cover my eyes in photos. But its the only one I've got of me blowing these little glass creatures which bring much joy and comfort.
So I'm fine with that (:

I kinda like my previous post about bubbles.

Because bubbles make me happy, and the last time I was happy was when I wrote the post about how I'm in control (the one with the photo of the lever I took at 8Q, with the RED AND BOLDED words,
YOU ARE IN CONTROL) That post is in the archives since I've written so much these days. I didn't go to school that day.

Remember how I didn't want to put down that book about bubbles, a coursework by a NYJC student at their exhibition?

(Just took that ^ bubble bottle we used to surprise steph when we went to the IT fair last year! So pretty, especially at night!)


Maybe I should write more poems. Two so far. They make me glad.
Those simple ones that are honest to my emotions at that moment.

BUBBLES



Some people like ribbons and hearts, some like the stars,
I like the bubbles best.

Look how they float around so freely,
not bound to anything,
look how they float away, away, away
from where they started off.

They don't remember the past,
they move on.
They don't remember any paths,
they let the wind take them anywhere.

Created by a gentle breath,
their journeys unsure,
but that's why they're bubbles,
all full of surprises.

They burst and dissipate into the thin air,
memories being set free,
its not as if they're forgotten,
they've lived in someone's mind.

The happiness they've given,
it might be short-lived.
But what's most important,
is that they've contributed to someone's life.



We don't have to forget,
moving on doesn't mean forgetting,
it only means remembering the great moments,

Remembering your worst moments,
and letting them push you forward.

Or maybe it really just means not looking back anymore,
because it does not make a difference.

We don't forget, but we don't remember either.
We just live for what's ahead of us.

We don't have to worry for our future,
the most we have to plan is the next step before us,
not a hundred steps ahead of us.


Because we can't rise,
unless we fall.

Its a new start,
this time I'm certain.

My favourite song is "Don't stop believing" (:

SO IN LOVE WITH THIS VERSION!!!!

Cover of Don't stop believing. (jaw-dropping-ly good)

Guess what. The singer is called Sam Tsui (my CT shares the same name). HAHA! Its an awesome acapella cover, but I still prefer the original version by journey.

No, I didn't like it because of Glee (which I haven't watched). I've loved this song since secondary 4. & I said this because I don't want to sound as though I'm following a trend.

I saw the Dr. Martens booties I really want to get, but everybody's getting booties these days, should I still get them? :( Its also expensive, so by the time I save up for a pair, everybody'll have it and they'll be like "eww, she's just following a trend. Its so ugly!"

No I don't think they're ugly, I kinda of like them. You know, it gives of that.. I'm a nonconformist feeling. Somehow.

Or should I get that pair of heeled boots? The one I tried at topshop the other day. Problem is, I can't walk in them. HAHA.


Besides these items, I feel like looking for stuff at thrift shops.
& some interesting tops and shirts (I ♥ my checkered one)
& dresses/skirts

Kings of Convenience & Feist - The Build up

I like a song called "surprise Ice" by Kings of Convenience too.


My brother is an awesome teacher. Economics seems more interesting now. & I'll always and forever be amazed by his amount of patience and ability to understand others and think in their shoes. He's so encouraging. Yahui, you're one lucky girl.

Written on your ticket, to remind you where to stop

My grandma dreamt of me getting great results for the A's, haha. I feel like working hard now hehe. After the food and more food :D

My relatives just called from hk, they're having dinner at my aunt's house right now. CNY might feel alittle different with them around.

Its CNY but I should get some work done right! Econs, eat that!!



& I'm beginning to look back and say "wow, I've been so dumb?" already. Its a good sign. You can't change what has already been done, so just GET UP. GET UP. GET UP. Get up weakling!

What had I done in the past? Does it still matter?

I always get so obsessed in my own thoughts, I don't stop and listen to others, or notice what's happening around me. Slow down.

and its not nice to continue whining/moping/ranting excessively when people are trying their best to help you.



Superchick - Get Up

if i get up i might fall back down again
and we'll just jump and see
even if its the 30th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly


Well, I don't think the lyrics are entirely applicable,
but the title is!

Dear Stephanie,

Firstly. Shit I look dumb in the picture. But its candid that's why I chose it over our posed ones :D

In the end, what I needed to hear most was the truth from you, and it mattered alot. Everything's different now.

I want to put this up here even though I'm going to say more elsewhere. Its like this 'right the wrong' thing, to make up for all things I've typed HERE previously.

You know, its hard to say how I can really change so much over.. I don't even want to talk about it. Its so dumb and scary :O

I've forgotten everything, I think. All the past worries and anger towards you, and as I'm typing right now, I've got no idea why there are tears rolling down. Nah, I do know why I'm crying.

Admist everything that I was blinded by, I've forgotten what it really means to be a friend, I've forgotten who I was, I've forgotten.. so much.


Since its the start of a new year;

sorry I've been a bad friend.
sorry I let myself judge, thinking others did too.
sorry I blamed you. I got hold of the fact that you're too emotional and forgot the fact that you're hurt too. & I caused some of it.

I hope you'll forgive me.
& thankyou for telling me.


Happy new year & Valentine's day.

Tik Tok on the clock, but the party dont' stop, no

4:40 am, ain't tired. My mom's friends & my childhood friends just left my house at 2 am after many rounds of cardgames, singing and a little food.

Well yeah, I'm a lost lamb. For now. I'll get them right.